


Pickpocket

by secooper87



Series: The Child of Balime [20]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Family, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secooper87/pseuds/secooper87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seo struggles to name her ship something not-stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pickpocket

"Okay, next time you successfully pickpocket someone," Dawn hissed, as they raced away as fast as they could to avoid getting arrested, "don't shout at the top of your lungs, 'Hey, that's brilliant! I picked your pocket!'"

"But it _was_ brilliant!" Seo insisted.

Whoever knew shoplifting and pickpocketing could be so hard to learn?

Dawn seemed to be a natural at it.

"Let's just get back to TWIBB, and you can take us somewhere else to try it, again," said Dawn. "Somewhere where we aren't already being chased by guards and police and stuff."

Seo quirked an eyebrow. "TWIBB? What's TWIBB?"

"Your space ship," said Dawn. "It's what I've decided to call it."

Seo unlocked the door, and they raced inside. Slamming the door shut, as the police thudded against it, trying to break it down.

"You named my space ship for me?" Seo cried.

"Well, we couldn't keep calling it 'the ship'," Dawn argued. "That's boring. So… TWIBB. T-W-I-B-B. You know. Stands for That Weird Blue Box."

"What?!" Seo shouted.

The police, outside, were growing even louder and angrier. Which was surprising, considering they hadn't actually nicked anything. Just been really rubbish about trying to.

Dawn and Seo both ignored them.

"But you can't call it that!" Seo insisted. "It's not a box, and it's not blue! How can you call it 'That Weird Blue Box' when it's neither a box nor blue? And… and… and what's the I stand for, anyways?"

"That's the 'I' in team," Dawn offered.

Seo stared at Dawn in utter horror.

"Yeah, well, you figure out a better name," said Dawn, as the ship juddered back into life. "Because otherwise, I'm sticking with TWIBB."

* * *

Seo looked through the wallet she'd just successfully picked out of the blue fungus-looking alien's pocket. Feeling a little proud of herself.

Then saw the photos of his family, and felt a bit ashamed.

"Couldn't we return it?" Seo asked Dawn. "I mean, isn't stealing all this money a bit mean? What if he needs the money, to feed his family?"

Dawn shook her head, with a sigh. "Seo, for the last time, it's not about the cash," she said. "It's about satisfying the kleptomaniac in you without getting caught!"

Seo thought this through. "Oh." She put everything back in the man's wallet. "Why are we stealing wallets, then? Couldn't we steal things that are a bit more interesting?"

"Like what?" said Dawn.

Seo's eyes gleamed. "Let's go back and steer Sir Zipsalot towards a mad scientists convention or something! There should be all sorts of neat stuff in people's pockets, there!"

"Sir… Zipsalot?" said Dawn.

Seo grinned, widely. Then raced off to de-pick the alien fungus-man's pocket, and replace the wallet back where she'd found it.

That time, she got caught.

Resulting in a huge chase from the police, and a run back to the ship.

"You are _not_ calling it Sir Zipsalot!" said Dawn, as they rushed back to it.

"Why not?" said Seo. "Isn't that a good name?"

"No!" Dawn retorted.

They only just made it back to the not-Sir-Zipsalot ship, before the police caught up with them.

* * *

"And so, you see," said the mad scientist, as he was about to take over the world, reaching into his pocket, "all I have to do is flip this switch, and the nuclear reactors across the planet will detonate, causing…!"

The mad scientist froze. Hand digging in his pocket.

"Just… wait for it," the mad scientist assured the world leaders he was threatening, frantically checking his coat pockets. Patting himself down, desperately. "Must have left it in my other lab coat…"

Which was right when Seo and Dawn stepped into the room. Seo holding up the switch-button, in her hand.

"This the button you mean?" she asked, with a grin. Winked at him. "Picked the pocket. Brilliant, huh?"

The mad scientist lunged for it, but Seo dropped it onto the ground and smashed it up with her shoe. The components rolling across the floor, as the scheme was rendered useless.

"Picking pockets saves the day," said Dawn.

The mad scientist glared at them. Then, from nowhere, produced a very lethal looking gun.

"Saffron Hill!" Seo shouted to Dawn, grabbing her up by the hand and racing away with her.

"What?" Dawn shouted back. "Where the hell…?"

"Saffron Hill!" said Seo, darting around a corner to avoid a gunshot. "It's what I call my ship, now."

Dawn blinked. Then blinked again.

"Wait, huh?!" Dawn cried.

* * *

"Okay, explain it, again," said Dawn, when the adventure was over and they were in Seo's ship, off to their next adventure. "You've decided to call your ship Saffron Hill… because...?"

"We're both massive kleptomaniacs," said Seo. Looking down at her ship, fondly. "And, now, we're both pickpockets."

Dawn still didn't get it.

"Why does that have anything to do with saffron?" said Dawn. "Or hills?"

Seo shot Dawn a pointed look. "You've never read _Oliver Twist_? Saffron Hill is Fagin's lair, where all the pickpockets retreat when they're done for the day."

Oh.

Oh!

"Hey, that's actually kind of cool," said Dawn.

Seo beamed. "I thought so!"

"But… I mean… do we have to call the ship something that implies we're the bad guys?" said Dawn. "I know we're pickpockets, but we're not criminals! We only pick the pockets of people who deserve it. It's not really fair to call ourselves… you know… 'Fagin' or whatever."

At least, not according to "Oliver" the musical. Which was the only way that Dawn actually knew anything about _Oliver Twist_ at all.

(Damn. Now she had "Got to Pick A Pocket Or Two" stuck in her head.)

"You want me to name it after the good guys?" Seo asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah!" said Dawn, with a grin. "I mean, this ship's less Fagin. More… Oliver!"

Seo quirked the other eyebrow.

"It could be the only ship that sees massive danger," said Dawn, "and says, 'please, sir, may I have some more?'"

Seo tried to suppress a grin, as she looked back down at her ship's central console. "I can't just call the ship Oliver, though," she said. "I mean, how daft would that sound? 'Dawn, go hide in Oliver while I adjust this photon displacement beam!'"

Seo and Dawn looked at each other.

Then burst out laughing.

* * *

Seo gently nudged the museum piece that only _looked_ like a valuable golden statue of a llama, and was actually a massive bomb in disguise — so that it slipped free from its casing.

Which triggered a series of very loud anti-theft alarms across the museum.

"Oliver?" said Seo.

"Oliver!" agreed Dawn.

As they turned, and raced back towards the ship.


End file.
